thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
