he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
