Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
