Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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