I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
