i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
