Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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