worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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