I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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