It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
