I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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