i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
