Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
