Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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