We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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