My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
