No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
3pm strippers are depressing
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
