it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Drunk is a universal language darling
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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