I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
