He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
