I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
