i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
