you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
