Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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