then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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