I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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