How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
