I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
