I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
