Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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