Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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