i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
