atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
