Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
