I want to make a zoo with you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
