Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize