wakey wakey hands off snakey
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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