I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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