tonight lets celebrate not being married
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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