he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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