As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
