so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
