new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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