this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
