What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
