Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
