that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
