just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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