I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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