I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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