Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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