I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
