Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
