I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
