i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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