There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
