These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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