You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
