I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
