if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
