Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
