Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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