i don't plan on having that self control this summer
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I licked your asshole in confidence.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize