my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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