clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
