Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
