Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
