Already got asked if we're dating
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
