Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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