I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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