just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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