Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
