I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
