The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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