So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
