Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
