guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
