Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
