I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
