I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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