I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No I am not eating basil off your cock
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
