You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
