we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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