if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
