Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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