I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
