you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
