Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
