Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
