I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
