So drunk its hurt
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
