just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
