Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
