coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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