Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
