Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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