i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
