Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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