I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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