I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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