I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
