Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
