My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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