A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize